Sunday, July 22, 2012

Bathroom Monologue: Set your hair on fire

So set your hair on fire. It’s the easiest way to do things; nobody questions a burning man, and it’ll all grow back after you drink them. Douse a little lighter fluid on your scalp as you walk up to their door, and howl as loud as you can. If they don’t open immediately, pound on their windows. They always come out for that, and when you beg them for water or to dunk your head in a toilet, they always invite you in. Once you’re in, do whatever you want. I only drink enough to make it through the night, since personally, I feel bad about draining good Samaritans dry.


  1. Great advice for all vampires, though I caution them to make sure they're in one of those worlds where they light up like dry kindling when even a spark touches them. If not, go for it!

  2. Ha! Still I think vampires feel pain. That Samaritan better taste damn good! :D

  3. Ah, clever advice for the thirsty vampire!


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