Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Bathroom Monologue: Never Okay

"What if her blouse is soaking wet?"

"Then that's gross."

"What if she doused it on purpose? Then she's inviting it."

"Then she's gross, and you shouldn't give her the attention she wants."

"What if she's wearing a really bright green bra that I can see through her tank top, and it catches my eye because it's so unusual, and I can't help but look for a second on instinct?"

"Then look for one second. No longer."

"What if she takes her top off?"

"In what situation are you going to see someone do that?"

"Well, besides with you?"

"That's becoming iffy as it is, Samuel."

"What if her tanktop snags on a passing truck, tearing it off? And she's thrown to the pavement by the sudden blow?"

"What the hell?"

"She could be hurt from her fall, and I'm the only one around. Surely I should go over and help her, and in the course of being a good Samaritan, I'd look occasionally. I'm her only hope of medical attention."

"Then throw yourself under the truck to stop the driver, and ride with her to the hospital."

"Cripes. That's just mean."

"It was your stupid hypothetical, Samuel."

"Well, is it at least okay to look at her boobs while we're riding to the hospital?"

"For one second. No longer."


  1. I'm sorry, but I'm with Samuel on the flourescent bras. Those are just boobs begging to be oggled.

    On a personal note, when we got in the car after picking up my daughter's 8th grade class schedule, she shut the door and said, "Five guys looked at my boobs." Me, "I'm very sorry boys are dumb, but that's never going to change." Boys like Samuel will always be around...sometimes five of them.

    1. This post was actually inspired by a fluorescent bra at the airport on Monday, though I'm not allowed to say anything else.

    2. The last time Carlos and I flew, the girl across from us in the waiting area had an irridescent blue bra and a sheer white top. Tacky as hell. I may have tweeted a picture of it.

  2. My hang-up is always this: What if she's wearing a T-shirt that has a neat picture on it? Or a Hooters logo?

  3. What about the foreign girl at the supermarket checkout with a really long name on the name-tag pinned to her shirt? It may take up to 5 seconds to read her name.

  4. I don't really have a comment because I'm still laughing.


  5. But what do I do if he is wearing really tight trousers?


Counter est. March 2, 2008