Sunday, January 13, 2013

Bathroom Monologue: Atheist’s Prayer Equivalent


During my most recent medical emergency, several of my Christian friends publicly announced they’d pray for me. When this happens, there’s always at least one atheist friend who, usually when we’re alone, asks what he or she is supposed to do. In today’s case, it was a ‘she’ who feared she fell short as a buddy because she wasn’t paging a higher power to fix me.

I always have the same answer, and was honestly looking forward to delivering it this time.

“Do a fundraiser? After all, money is a higher power you believe in.”

Like these friends typically do, she got really mad at me. She ranted about delusions and fooling yourself and how she’d have to do actual work. She, like most of my friends in this circumstance, switched from feeling bad for me to feeling angry with me. Her apparent inadequacy disappeared in a puff of self-righteousness.

It always fixes them. It’s good to give.

12 comments:

  1. Nothing like stirring the pot! Hope you're back in her good books again!

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  2. I was going to say to tell her to send positive thoughts (not the same as sending prayers), but your way is more fun.

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  3. I would totally prefer inadequacy to self-righteousness. But then again, if you told me to do a fund raiser I'd just ask you for a good site to use.

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    1. And you are a superlative friend. Thanks, Bev!

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  4. Calling money a higher power is assuming the person isn't an atheist and a communist. Come to think of it, most of the atheists I know are communists.

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  5. Also: does this mean your foot is working again?

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    1. See? You didn't even worry about my health until later. It works every time!

      My foot is actually getting worse. I had additional tests recently and am seeing two new doctors, one in two weeks, and one in February. Thank you for asking, honestly.

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  6. HAAAHAAHAHAAAAAA *cough* *gasp* *wheeze* I MUST remember that one!

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  7. LOL I would have laughed it off as a joke. But I am not an atheist. LOL

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  8. So sorry about your foot. So frustrating when our bodies do us wrong. I love the fund-raiser idea though. I may borrow (steal) that one...

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  9. Being an atheists doesn't mean she should feel left out and fund raising is not the only answer. She could have offered to lend a friendly ear whenever you needed someone to talk to - still I'm okay, no fund raising for me, just a prayer or two to a higher power eh ;)

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    Replies
    1. Hey, you're welcome to do more if you feel like it...

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