Thursday, January 31, 2013

Bathroom Monologue: Investing in Tomorrows



"Benjamin Franklin is quoted saying that a single today is worth two tomorrows. Now the board of directors defrauded me of thirty-one years of pension time. That amounts to 11,242 todays that I put into a retirement. Where did it go? They say the stock tanked, yet they have golden parachutes.

"I lost over eleven thousand todays. How many did you lose? How fair would it seem if the board spent twenty-two thousand tomorrows in a dungeon somewhere? Fair trade by the reckoning of a founding father.

"I have a very nice basement. By that I mean that it has a black mold infestation and some kind of mammal keeps breaking in through unknown holes. I think they’re raccoons, but they bite more than raccoons are known to.

"Now, I’m a little old to go around kidnapping. I'm only proposing this to our... board? Our Board of Owed Parties. Yes, I like that, don't you?

"So, I’d lease my basement to the Board, if there was interest. How many tomorrows do you think these people owe you?"

5 comments:

  1. All to real, John. All too real.
    ~jon

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    Replies
    1. I'm sorry if this touched any nerves, Jon.

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  2. What always kills me about these situations is that the board members actually think turning the company around at all costs is an actual goal. I don't know -- have you ever heard of a company that robbed the pension fund and was able to not only turn itself around, but thrive again? Because I haven't. More basements and consequences, please.

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    Replies
    1. I feel there must have been, and that I've read of some over time, yet all cases that spring to mind are failures. Tossing everyone else overboard so you may stay afloat. Probably a natural instinct resultant from privilege at the top, and yet so depressing.

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  3. It's just the bandits looting the city as it's going up in flames. Yup, the basement is good. When do we start?

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