Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Bathroom Monologue: You shouldn't watch those kinds of movies.



You shouldn't watch those kinds of movies. They promote violence. 87% of viewers were found more likely to commit a misdemeanor. 35% were found to have committed a felony within ten days of watching one. 11% of viewers disappear. Someone somewhere high up puts you on a list.

I've heard that when you leave the movie theatre, you never leave alone. A man nine inches taller than you, wearing a coat a shade of black seen nowhere else on earth, follows you back to your car. He lurks in your shadow for three days. Then you lurk in his for the rest of your days.

Really, you shouldn't watch those movies because they're haunted. I've heard about viewers getting obscene phone calls and being dragged into mirrors and television sets. Dark-haired little girls manifest and maul them.

Viewers keep dozing off and then waking up on the sun, with no stars out to guide them home. I hear they're touching movies, but surely you can find a more terrestrial way to enjoy yourself.

They eat your soul.

They don't eat your soul. They chew until they are bored.

You shouldn't watch those kinds of movies.

11 comments:

  1. Waking up on the sun would be bad. I don't think there's a sunscreen strong enough for that.

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  2. That very thing happened to me a week ago. I wish I'd read your post then, then maybe little Teresa, like we like to call her, would get out of my mirror.

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    1. Try rubbing toothpaste along the edges of the frame. It sometimes loosens the evil plaque, and when it doesn't, it makes the ghost smell like mint.

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  3. Look at you, Mr.Judgy! I don't watch romantic comedies THAT often.

    Sheesh.

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  4. How frightening about the calls and dragging.

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  5. Very creepy. Sounds like the kind of movies I wouldn't watch anyway because I'm a big wuss. lol

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  6. I love the man 9 inches taller than you, wearing a shade of black that doesn't exist, lurking in your shadows. He's a character I'd like to read more about.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Bev. He bubbled out of nowhere. Seriously thinking about drawing him out for something later...

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  7. Good to know. I shall continue to avoid these types of movies. (I wish I had read this before I watched the one with the creepy dark haired girl that crawls out of the TV... because WOW, nightmares.) LOL

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