Saturday, September 13, 2014

This House That Hunts Vampires For You

The modern world has not done enough to safeguard against vampires. The corrupt the young and drink the old, but the bravest hunters still travel in Trans Ams and fight on even footing with these monsters. That’s why we’re introducing a new product: your house.

LoreHouse ™ is not a mobile home you drag on a trailer hitch. No Sir or Madame, this is a titanium-reinforced domicile, coming in one- and two-story models, mounted on indestructible chicken legs using our patented Baba Yaga technology. Not only is the house capable or pursuing and crushing any folklore you encounter, but by becoming your new legal residence, it is impossible for biters to enter unbidden. Simply leave the front open and any undesirables that accidentally fall inside will combust.

Ever wished you had more silver nitrate or crucifixes as you were stranded in a wheat field, surrounded by bat noises? With LoreHouse ™, you’ll never worry you left something at home. Home will come with you, ensuring you’re equipped and have had a good night’s sleep before you stake your claim.


  1. Oooh. I want one. And I love the Baba Yaga link. Inspired in folk lore, inspired here.

  2. LOL With a sales pitch like that, who can resist?

  3. LOL does it come with a picket fence? ^_^

  4. This kind of reminds me of those prefab turtle shell things the homeless live in in Noir by Derek Jeter. We all need a home away from Vampires. Have you seen the new-ish Jim Jaramusch Vampire movie, Only Lovers Left Alive? It is awesome.

  5. Oh that sounds brilliant. Can't wait to see what kind of people queue up to be the interior designer at such a property.


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