Sunday, November 28, 2010

Anyone Can Do Malaise Redux - The Audio

Cathy Webster won our Third Anniversary contest. She requested I record an audio of this oldie, "Anyone Can Do Malaise." To hear the audio version either click the triangle on the left to begin streaming or click this text to download the MP3.

Dear Professor Hannaford,

I spent two hours last night trying to co-write a piece with Ed like you assigned. I wrote one paragraph, then he did the second, and so-on. In two whole hours he ruined every story, leaving it unwritable. I cannot work with this man any further. I am attaching our last co-written piece below as an example.

I went first.


The popcorn chicken is too cold. Hot outside, but a squeeze shows it's frozen in the middle. I poke some buttons and add a few minutes to the timer. In the next room some guy who sold me a magic mop that didn’t work is selling something that has to do with X-Rays and hospital visits. Somewhere, someone coughs.

Out of nowhere an armored transport smashes through the wall! It crushes my stupid microwave oven. Popcorn chicken bits get stuck between the treds and fling up at me in all kind of crazy slow motion before the transport totally crushes me! Oh my God, the humanity! Armored commandos ignore my lame emo carcass as they jump out the back to secure the room. Let freedom reign!


  1. "Armored commandos ignore my lame emo carcass" Oh that had me giggling. Personally I think Ian would be fun to write with. LOL

  2. HAR! I LOVE this story! And your reading of it is just as charming as when I first set eyes on it. Good stuff, John!

  3. TS, haha, I'll give Ian your e-mail address.

    Cathy, I'd hope you'd like this one - you picked it! It was fun to have to switch voices twice. I'm tempted to write more lurching stuff just to see how it sounds.

  4. LOL - loved the writing and the reading. Great job you two and congrats Cathy!

  5. I actually really enjoyed that! :D

  6. Love it! Very funny Cathy, nice reading John!


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