Monday, February 25, 2013

Bathroom Monologues Movie Awards, 2012

It's almost March 2013, so of course we're all talking about the best movies of 2012. If all the complaining on Twitter is any indication, I'm once again happy to have skipped the Academy Awards. Naturally I disagree with some of the winners. More naturally, I don't understand what some of the categories mean. But nothing shall dissuade me from telling a sizable democratic body of people who devote swaths of their lives to film that their mass conclusions were wrong. So here we go.

The Too Little/Too Late Award
Going to the movie I missed by several years,
but have now seen and wish I'd been on the bandwagon for at the time
Big Trouble in Little China

The Raddest Scene Award
Going to the raddest scene in a motion picture
Raid: The Redemption, the brothers face Mad Dog

For the Shorties, OR, The Terminus/Validation Award
Going to the short film I wouldn’t shut up about all year

The Best Soundtrack Award
John's already used the "going to the obvious thing-award" joke,
so this is embarrassing

Raid: The Redemption

The Dark Horse Award
Going to the movie that was way better than you all led me to believe it would be

You're Actually All Great At This
Going to the best ensemble in a motion picture,
since a great cast is way more impressive than a single great performance
Silver Linings Playbook

The Frank/Nixon Memorial Award
Going to all actors who performed as well or better
than Frank Langella did in Frost/Nixon
For the fifth year in a row, No One

The "There's No Such Thing As The Best Movie of the Year" Award
Seeing as there is no such thing as a best movie amidst a field of
comedies, dramas, musicals, period pieces, speculative fiction, animation,
blockbusters and an international film market we're both not watching enough of as it is,
the award that simply goes to whatever movie brought me
the closest to both crying and laughing last year 
The Secret World or Arrietty


Other great movies I was too unambitious to invent awards for:
Robot & Frank, Beasts of the Southern Wild, Delhi Belly, Safety Not Guaranteed

Movies of 2011 Awards
Movies of 2010 Awards


  1. You mention talking about the best movies of 2012 when it is almost March deep into 2013. I think they should wait until Fall 2013 to have the awards after I've finally gotten around to watching one or two of the contenders.

  2. I'm actually surprised by Lockout being on your list. Not that I've seen it, but the trailers made it look awful. The bits shown in said trailer made it look like it was written and directed by the worst hacks in the business. But you say it's actually worth seeing? Hmm...I may rethink my position when I do get around to seeing it and go in with an open mind instead of the mindset of simply laughing at it, which I'd planned to do.

    And I love the title "There's No Such Thing As The Best Movie of the Year" Award. I agree. Too many different genres and reasons for making movies, be it art, entertainment, or simply to make money. Personally, I'd choose Seven Psychopaths. I loved that movie so much. I'd also choose that movie for the "You're Actually All Great At This" award.

    1. Friends kept asking me to see it, and at one point I finally saw it with a great group of people. It's a very clever action movie, twisting several tropes and neutering its hero in great ways. Guy Pearce also nails Snake Plissken.

      And I don't know about the entire cast, but Tom Waits and Sam Rockwell were dynamite in Seven Psychopaths. My runner-up for You're All Actually Great would be Beasts of the Southern Wild, because aside from the star, everyone is incredibly natural and blends into a tapestry of humanity.

  3. The only movie on that list I've seen is Paperman, which was awesome. Monster and I watched the short animations yesterday. You may like Head Over Heels, too.

    Monster did see Silver Linings Playbook and said it was amazing, so it's high on my list right now.

    1. Thanks Danni! I actually really enjoyed that, and claymation usually creeps me out.

  4. I do want to see Django and Argo and Silver Lining and will eventually.


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