Bathroom Monologue: Get Out, and Close the Door

“Not everyone who’s having a good time is some tortured soul covering up their inner darkness. We’re not all suffering children with a hedonistic exterior, damaged at the core by hard, crumby lives. Some of us just want to have a good time with the people around us because we’re good people. Some of us want to enjoy the time we have. But you won’t accept that. You want to make us like you, and you’ll do it one way or the other. The one way is posthumous psychoanalysis; when we’re dead and can’t tell the world how wrong you are, you simply argue that we lived lies in the face of your bold, self-righteous truths. But until we drop dead, you try to win out the other way. You doubt us, browbeat us, tell us we’re in denial, pretend humor is inferior to seriousness, and bring us down at every chance you get until we stay down, like a kid playing with a balloon, only tiring when the helium runs out and we lie limp on the ground like the rest of your toys, unhappy and unable to get up on our own anymore. And that’s what makes you like every other supposedly grand thinker: when it turns out you’re wrong, you take it out on the people who made you wrong until you’re right.”