Bathroom Monologues: Enjoy the Festivities

“Festivals are about the people. Get out and celebrate them if you’ve got them. They aren’t about sitting inside and watching the TV special, unless you’re watching it with other people. They aren’t about the discounts at the store, unless you’re buying it for somebody else (or somebody else is buying it for you). Festivals can’t be about the harvest. The harvest is food, and it’s stupid to throw a party for something you’ll be shitting out tomorrow. Festivals can’t be about events; events are things people do, or things that happen to people; and in either case, events remain about people. Festivals can’t be about the gods. Festivals are about the people. Gods are about the people. “About” can mean “around” or “for.” If the gods aren’t for the people or around the people, they don’t deserve a festival, and if the festival is around for the people, it serves the gods. Festivals can be inspired by food, fortune, and gods, but they are here for you. Always bring it back to the people in your life, to loved ones and strangers, and enjoy.”