Thursday, August 21, 2008

Bathroom Monologue: Big Sports News Sees Gold for Mother Russia

Rumor has it there was trouble in the Russian Olympic camp following Nazyr Mankiev’s victory in the 55kg Greco Roman competitions. Mankiev won Russia’s first and only Olympic gold medal for 2008 and seemed exceedingly proud, thrusting his index finger in the air after the victory. He struck the same pose an hour later in his locker room, wearing nothing but the gold medal.

The naked Olympian spent the rest of the day strutting around other Russian athletes’ rooms asking them what they had done for Russia today, supposedly striking even more degrading poses each time. He was imitating the Volgograd Mother Russia statue (no confirmation as to what served as the sword) in front of Alexei Alipov, Russia’s first 2008 male bronze medallist, when an aid finally tackled him and forced him to wear a robe.

It was not until Mavlet Batirov won a gold medal for Russia in the 60kg freestyle wrestling event and confronted Mankiev wearing his medal in a fashion that has been called “an Adam-inspired loin cloth” that Mankiev finally consented to wear pants in public.

Russia currently has thirteen gold medals, and many victorious athletes who have little or no trouble remaining clothed in public. We at Big Sports News congratulate them.

1 comment:

  1. You made tea come out my nose. Good job!


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