Bathroom Monologue: Phobias and Irrational Fears

-Neurobiology scares me because some day somebody’s going to say she got 3.7 units of enjoyment from the newest James Bond movie.
-Poetry scares me because it’s the height of expression in the English language and yet follows almost none of the rules or conventions.
-Astronomy scares me because one day we’ll have colonies on the moon and Mars, and I get lost on the way to Target. GPS doesn’t work when you’re not on the G anymore.
-Blue jeans scare me because they have tiny white spots everywhere that aren’t advertised in the name, and if they’re willing to deceive in colors, who knows what other secrets they may be hiding?
-Nonsense scares me because I can understand it.
-Reason scares me because people so often mistake theirs for the true one.
-Tomorrow scares me because it’s coming but I can’t see it from here.
-Telepathy scares me because my friends may secretly have it and eavesdrop on my brain, and discover all of the totally inane things that occupy my silent periods when I’m looking serious.
-Fear itself scares me because it scared the generation that beat up Nazis, Fascists, suicide pilots and the sun god’s empire.