Thursday, September 18, 2008
Bathroom Monologue: Where it comes from
"You see, grandma, when a typewriter loves a TV very much, they elope to the back of the electronics section. They wait until everyone has gone home. That’s why when you drive past them at night the lights are still on. It’s electricity of their sin. Some months later the stork brings their horrible bastard child, which has the face of its father and the keyboard of its mother. Due to its show-business face it would go into the television’s line of work, but the typewriter was very free-spirited. It had once belonged to Norman Mailer, and needless to say, was kind of full of itself. So the typewriter raised the bastard creature to have its own original ideas, creating a great rift of enmity between the little beast and its HD paternal figure. But out of that enmity came new job opportunities for the child: word processing, spreadsheets, copious streaming stupid videos, new forms of political propaganda, and porn. Oh, the rolling hills of porn their bastard child would facilitate. Straddling that mountain of obscenity, the bastard child’s kind rose to prominence. And that’s where your computer came from."