Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Bathroom Monologue: 4th Grade Vengeance

Tired of losing at dodgeball, Wilkins devised a plan. Nobody particularly liked him. Fine. They liked candy. He used butterscotches and butterfingers to bribe the six biggest boys in the class. One candy on the playground, one after gym. Whoever was picked for the opposite team was to play poorly and take dives. Those on his side were on nuts duty. No human shields. Wilkins knew how to shy away from getting hit. No. The giants were tasked with pegging as many fourth graders as possible in the gonads. They thought it was so funny when they caught him in the groin and he cried so that he went to the nurse’s. Fine. He’d secure the strongest arms sugar could buy to send them to the E.R. Even if his team lost, even if he got tagged yet again, the class laughing at his foes as they clutched their groins would be worth it. Vengeance, bright and beautiful.


  1. Wicked good!! Boys are so brutal. You brought back so many wonderful memories for me. Yep, collapsed in fetal position on the gymnasium floor, clutching my unhatched eggs. I believe it was just before Easter.


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