Friday, February 26, 2010

Bathroom Monologue: Transgender

Thanks for all the positive feedback! This story is down for the time being as it's being submitted for potential publication.

34 comments:

  1. great dialogue, really clean and real. nailed it.

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  2. I agree. The dialogue was excellent. Good story.

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  3. Expertly written in the voice of true teens.

    I especially liked the opening paragraph... made me nostalgic for when Friday afternoon was impossibly distant from Monday.

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  4. Teenage boys were never that sweet, were they? :-)
    Nah, I can hear these very clearly. It's taken me back a bit.

    The little mention of the step-sister has me intrigued, and was very sweet.

    I think a tiny rework is needed in this sentence "Because if this a thing I’ll stand up for you"

    I did a proper belly laugh at "His parents are, like, ‘No way. This is probably a phase"

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  5. Well done dialog! You know, you could have found a niche here. Maybe someone needs to invent underwear for transgender peeps!

    Also, agree with David...you brought me way back with that wonderful friday to monday line.

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  6. Thank you for all the kind words about the dialogue. It all came out at once, but I agonized over editing it into a narrative. It's very relieving that some people liked it.

    And Mazz, thanks for catching the borked line. I fixed it up. I can never catch all my own typos.

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  7. Really liked this story. The descriptions, the dialogue, the male bonded friendship that allows Justin to think and say that he would support Bobby and "...stand up" for him if this was a thing.

    Wonderful.

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  8. It sounds like a very natural dialogue. Very entertaining! Like Shannon said, maybe someone ought to invent this. ;)

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  9. The title! The "rubber soles parked for the afternoon"... and then this made me squee with delight:
    "Justin rolled onto his back and tried to blind himself looking at the sun. There were too many mental pictures of his friend now, and none of them good."

    But he was still willing to support his friend. So lovely.

    btw? I have conversations like this all the time.

    loved it.
    Thanks for sharing.
    Karen :0)

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  10. Ah, the wondering dialogue of teendom. You pulled it off smartly.

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  11. Dialogue hits it, very real. I hear conversations rolling like this often.

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  12. I thought the dialogue was great and the narration, especially at the building was wonderful.

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  13. The dialogue is very natural, which made it easy to relate to these guys. Lovely story.

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  14. "Dude, shut up. I’m not talking about my biscuits."

    This really made me snort. Wonderful language John. Did I misread that Steph was once properly 'Stephen' and probably retains their junk?
    Simon.

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  15. I'm now thoroughly relieved about the dialogue editing I went through. Glad people like it!

    Simon, I left Steph's story purposefully vague. He either is or was physiologically male, but the story doesn't say whether he's had an operation and it's up to you. They do not call him "Stephen," though you caught my bait - that was his original name.

    Karen, I'm glad you have these kinds of conversations. I mostly only get to have them with myself.

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  16. Word pictures are so much fun to read. I loved it. I saw it.

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  17. You did a great job capturing the voice of this age group. Quirky, funny, and now you've got me thinking about the underwear question. I'm thinking boxer briefs. I enjoyed that the boys were respectful of the transgendered. Well done.

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  18. you are brilliant. i'm friends with max and sarah-they remind me to check in to catch your new writing. is it inappropriate that i want to have brainsex with you?!

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  19. I loved the line about biscuits too. So do you think Justin is getting over his crush on Steph okay?

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  20. dialogue - yea yeah they've all said it - very good :)

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  21. Stephen/Stephanie... I was onto it too.. I figured, why else would big brother be so interested in talking about the subject? Thanks, Simon, stole my thunder!! Johh, I totally agree with everyone else. I loved the way these guys talked... I have two sons about that age and that's how they chat. Good job.

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  22. Funny to read this, especially since I just finished reading Chuck P.'s Invisible Monsters which touches the issue. I love your subtlety in which you deal with the subject and the aha! moment at the end when you realized he is talking about "Steph".
    The title is irresistible.

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  23. This was hilarious. Karen highlighted my favorite line! I actually laughed out loud at trying to blind... sun... mental images... I'm laughing.

    Can I suggest boxer briefs?

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  24. Funny with excellent dialogue. That's what everyone else is saying but it's true. Great job!

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  25. Yeah, I agree with everyone else about the dialogue being spot-on, especially for a group of teens. If I remember, though, most teens I knew when I was a teen weren't so willing to stand up for anyone who was different. Maybe teens are nicer than they use to be.

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  26. Excellent dialogue. Glad Simon asked about Steph--I had had his interpretation. Really enjoyed this!

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  27. Heh, loved this story. The boys conversation flowed great - all the details about the day, and the direction of their gazes and thoughts worked perfectly. A little tough, a little tender. Excellent.

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  28. I agree, great, believable dialogue and very entertaining! :)

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  29. (-: My comments are all about human nature, not your prose!

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  30. Wow, the kind words are overwhelming. I'm glad so many people enjoyed this!

    Jared, many teens are still horrible to the different. The story isn't supposed to pretend I had an idyllic teenhood - I had the crap beaten out of me for being different (specifically, walking with a limp, being sick often and being a nerd). But I do think many teens are more tolerant, or more interested in looking cool for being tolerant. I hope that Justin and Bobby seemed bonded enough to stand up for each other, though.

    Wyld, if you want to leave some comments on human nature or my nature, you go right ahead.

    Would somebody like to model what skirts look like with boxer briefs?

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  31. I liked the ambiguity in the end, and the level of understanding. Good work!

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  32. ".... Because Friday afternoon is impossibly distant from Monday’s return to..."

    Too, too painfully true - even into adulthood.

    Great dialogue in this. The interplay between the two boys is just perfect - and funny!

    Well done. An enjoyable read.

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  33. Tactful, honest, thoughtful and entertaining. We've come to expect nothing less, Mr Wiswell.

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  34. Great dialogue and some really nice phraseology. I think you really nailed this one.

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