Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Bathroom Monologue: The Original Story of Hansel and Gretel

"The story of Hansel and Gretel originally began with a famine. Their mother, knowing there was not enough food to feed her children, instructed her husband to lead the children into the woods and abandon them. Their father, who was supporting the family on his income, told her that she never cooked, was lousy in bed, and that the kids were the only ones who pretended to be happy when he got home, so if anyone was getting lost in the woods, it was her. The mother was seen a few years later, working the cash register at a cannibal bakery in the woods or something. The end."

9 comments:

  1. I like this version better, but I think the mother should be missing some fingers or something at the end. It is a cannibal bakery after all.

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  2. It's funny how embellishments get out of hand...

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  3. Ahh very 2010! A perfect recession era reboot of the tale. I wonder how kids would feel about this version. hmm!

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  4. So the feedback is to cut off some of the mom's fingers and give this story to kids. I'll get right on it!

    Thanks for the kind words, folks

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  5. Good one! I think pop made the right choice.

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  6. I thought thsi was really cool. Not sure if you've done others, but I'd be more than willing to see what else you can do with classic fairy tales.

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  7. Anthony, I actually wrote a longer Hansel & Gretel story for an upcoming anthology. This was the super-short version. I've done another crossing two fairy tales, and a perspective rewrite on Godfather Death. I hadn't thought to rewrite many of them, but I guess I'm already on my way. Maybe I'll do some more for you...

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  8. I saw this on Google reader and OF COURSE, I had to read. Evil stepmother goes cannibal. Fingerfoods and licorice. When Hansel and Gretel push her into the furnace, do they eat her? I'd like to read your longer version. Which antho is it in?

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  9. Fantastic retelling. Loved it!

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