Monday, May 3, 2010

Bathroom Monologue: Quantum physicists make bad TV salesmen.

As soon as he spotted the salesman, Bob grabbed his giant cardboard box and hustled at him. The salesman backed up into a rack of cartoon BluRays, putting up a hand in potential defense.

“Hey!” Bob barked.

“What’s the matter, sir?”

Bob dropped the TV at the salesman’s feet, then pulled open the top. A widescreen HD set was inside.

“Dude, this TV doesn’t work.”

“What’s wrong? It’s a 3D television.”

Bob rapped his knuckles on the top of the set.

“There’s no 3D. There isn’t even 2D. It won’t turn on.”

The salesman straightened. “Oh, it’s on. You just can’t see the picture.”

“How is that 3D?”

“Because you can only see the picture on a 4D television. The fourth dimension is time. Without time you can’t perceive moving images. A 1D is the same as a –”

Bob floored him with a right hook. The manager collapsed onto some cardboard boxes clutching his chin. He looked up to find his customer storming towards Customer Service.

“Mom was right,” the salesman to himself. “Quantum physicists make bad TV salesmen.”


  1. Poor guy. It's a tough job market when physicists become TV salesmen. I love your sense of humor, John. It's always a delight to read your stuff.

  2. The great irony of 3D TV's, the icon of 21st century consumerism, is that they were made popular by Avatar, one of the most anti-consumerism movies around.

  3. And yes, he was a terrible salesman.

  4. Frikkin' hilarious... I was ready to do that myself to the guy. Cracked me up...


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