Sunday, June 27, 2010

Bathroom Monologue: Macroscope

Carl looked again. Now there were two purple blobs on his slide. Blobs he’d expected, but these looking up through what looked like a telescope.

“Macroscope?” Carl muttered. One blob waved a flange and more blobs wobbled to the macroscope. They pointed up.

Were they looking at him?

He couldn’t tell the teacher. It’d be embarrassing if this was a prank.

Carl pulled the slide out, shook it, and returned it under the mircoscope.

He adjusted the dial until he saw a swarm of purple blobs. Several swarms. They worked around little silos with bullets sticking out of them.

“Missiles? Wait, I didn’t mean to piss you guys off!”

The girls at his table gave him ugly looks.

Carl sighed and peered in again. A silo fired. Its missile left Carl’s field of view. A second later, the entire table shook.

“What is wrong with you?” screeched one of the girls.

“It’s not me!” he protested.

The table jolted again. The teacher started coming over and Carl put up his hands. Then the world went black.

The microbes were too late. Several orders of magnitude above the giant mammal, God scraped His slide.

“Nothing interesting today….”


  1. OMG, I seriously LOLed when I read this. My family thought I was crazy.

    Well done!

  2. LOL is utterly correct. Wow. Brilliant and hilarious, John. One of my favorites of yours.

    Loved it.

  3. Heh, nice one. There's always a larger horizon to consider.

  4. Sadly, nothing like that ever happened when I was in biology or chemisty lab...

  5. *bangs side of head and jumps on one foot for a bit*

    Ok, is it me or is this a reprint from a while back? Cuz otherwise? I just had some SERIOUS deja vous.

    Loved it. [again... or if I've time traveled and am currently displaying bad temporal manners.... for the first time.]
    God can be so persnickety.

  6. Gany and Gracie, those were delightful comments to read as I sat down to the computer this afternoon. Thanks to everybody for the kind words!

    Karen, you caught it. It's not a re-post, but this was a contest entry a few months back. After they denied it publication, I wanted to give it some sort of exposure.


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