Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Bathroom Monologue: Troll Park

"You’ve been looking for work for weeks now, so I’m going to offer this. I don’t normally because people are scared of the work. You’ll have to be around trolls. They’re nowhere as dangerous as society would have you think, though. It’s mostly bigotry and rare bad apples that spoil their image. Trolls aren’t evil. Mostly, they just want food, companionship and moisture. You’ll be providing the last of those items. Down on the other side of town is a defunct water park that some guys are starting back up. The equipment is substandard for human and dwarfish use, but trolls are tougher. Trolls will pay a lot to stay moist; the sunlight dries them out and turns them into statues, but floating in a pool or going down a slide, they’re slick and safe. Slick, safe and quite messy. That’s where you’ll come in. The rides all need janitors to keep spare troll mud from building up too much and clogging the filters and gears. You’ll probably start by reinforcing the water slides for the weight of their new customers, but they’ll need you for a hundred gigs. We’re talking eight-to-fourteen hour days at almost a living wage. Just stay out of the food court so the slower trolls don’t mistake you for goods."


  1. Yeah, times are tough. We got to take what jobs are available dude. The last two lines were perfect.

  2. ...I'd apply for that. Sounds better than some of the jobs I've sent out resumes for this week. Great work as always John. The image of trolls going down a waterslide is fantastic!

  3. Yikes! But I guess that's better than Clown Circus.
    Love that imagination of yours.

  4. I dunno... I get a creepy vibe from this. I would love to see this as some sort of twisted short film...

    "Trolls aren’t evil..."

    i dunno. Feed them booze on St. Pat's day and they become evil leprechaun...

  5. I liked this whole story John, I'm a fan of Terry Pratchett's imagining of trolls, so I was onboard with your idea of trolls not being evil at the get go.

    This line stuck out for me:

    Slick, safe and quite messy.

    Actually sounds like a fun Saturday night.

  6. They're not evil, Karen. They're merely exceptionally dumb. Get them running with a few gremlins or goblin hooligans and they stab your hobbit every time, but villainy isn't in their nature.


Counter est. March 2, 2008