Thursday, August 19, 2010

Bathroom Monologue: The Fate of Arthur

When Le Fay saw Arthur stir, she grabbed his magic scabbard and fled from the tents. One nurse pursued her, but the other two remained with the wounded king. Without their help, he was sure to--

Ahem. Arthur summoned Gawain. He clasped his hand firmly and said, "You are the last loyal man in my house. If this wound takes my life, let me slip into tranquil lake. One day, in England's greatest hour of need--"

Ahem. So Gawain made Le Fay give him back his scabbard. Arthur hugged her and they took a carriage ride over to Guinevere’s, where they picked her and Lancelot up. The five of them went down to the country, far away from battle, and found a really nice farm with rolling hills and lush fields. Arthur ran out of the carriage and frolicked with all the other legendary heroes. Merlin was there, and Achilles, and Dido, all having ice cream. That’s where he is now, I swear. Now stop crying.


  1. What have you done to one of my favorite tales? Wish I'd thought of it!


  2. This is frickin hysterical. With the number of times the damn story has been retold, sometimes you do get that feeling...

  3. Bloody, bloody great. >,<
    As a parent I find this stuff coming up a lot.
    "When I was a kid, the evil queen danced herself to death in red-hot iron shoes, you know!"

  4. "Good parts version," or "best parts version?"

  5. Ice cream?

    Dude, that's an anachronism.

  6. Mary, I've done nothing. I blame the child.

    Shelly and Jemma, thanks so much for reading. Glad you got a kick out of it.

    Monica, I'm sorry that you've found yourself being a parent. It's a very difficult condition to cure. How are you coping?

    Max, it's the "shut up and go to sleep" version. We'll have to ask Fred Savage for details.

    Tony, you busted me. I owe you period-appropriate snack.

  7. I can see you doing a warped version of fairy tales... Fairy Tales ala Wiswell.

  8. It's amazing that you can still get a fresh take on this well-worn tale..:)

  9. Awesome. Love all stuff Arthurian, and to leave him with Dido and Achilles licking waffle cones makes me very happy! Peace...

  10. Great stuff. I'm loving the subtle twists on the original subject material, from the noble death of Arthur and uhh.. loyal Sir Gawain to the um...right, the ice cream. The frolicking and the ice cream were my favorite part and I like this much better than the version where he actually dies. Good show, and thanks for joining us at #TT again!


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