Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Bathroom Monoloogue: ****ing Banshees

Tad licked his lips and looked across the dance floor. They could barely hear each other over the band, but Brian knew who his friend was talking about.

“She’s got a nice ass, man, but she’s a succubus. That’s ‘Do Not Enter’ territory. No way I’d hit that.”

“Hey.” Brian jabbed him in the side. “Firstly, you’re not going to approach Sheena because she’s my girl. Secondly, she’s not a succubus.”

“Whatever man. I’m just saying she’s killed her last three sack buddies. But if you say she ain’t a succubus…”

“She isn’t. She’s a banshee. And in the heat the passion she… screams.”

Tad clapped and bent over laughing, looking up at his friend.

“That it? For real?”

Brian shrugged. “Popped their ear drums and fried their brains. Three guys.”

“At once?” Tad hooted. “Girl’s wild.”

“You ass. No. Her first boyfriend, then the kind of guys who swoop in to pick off the girl in mourning. After her third time she took a vow of celibacy.”

“You ain’t hittin’ that?”

“You thought she was a succubus a minute ago!”

“Still. That’s mad crazy. Why even put up with that?”

“She’s got soul, dude. Like, traits. She’s funny. She’s taking an Italian cooking class. Stuff.”

“You’re lying. She got you under her song spell or something?”

“That’s sirens, you tool. She’s just… a change of pace.”

“You never do that?”

“I said! It’s not about that.”

“Fucking banshees.”

“I would but she’s got a vow of celibacy!”

As fortune would have it, the music ended in the middle of Brian’s sentence. So did his relationship to the banshee.

7 comments:

  1. At least his brains are still intact!...for now.

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  2. Sometimes it's good to have a reputation precede you, true or not. Keeps the riffraff away. :)

    Fun story, John.

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  3. She sounded hot ... I'd take my chances.

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  4. I was howling throughout this from "She's got a nice ass man, but she's a succubus."

    Thank you. I was having a less than stellar afternoon.
    [rare in karenland]you perked it up a treat.

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  5. Some guys can't help but stick their foot in their mouth. It does make me wonder what his deal is, though. There have to be easier chicks to pick up...

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  6. Quite. You covered quite a few types of non-traditional companions here. Spot-on and snortingly funny.

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