Bathroom Monologue: Fairy Funny

It’s one of the great jokes in the universe, and the only one played specifically on humans. Live any planetarily hegemonic species, humans think most of the jokes of the universe are directed at them (and aren’t jokes), but it’s only the faeries that really care to prank earth. Just beyond the veil of perception is an infinity of faeries, a great commune that grabs all physical objects and moves them around. The faeries have strict government and policies about the motion of objects, keeping certain bodies at simulated, while others remain in motion unless perturbed, and things float or fall appropriately. It is all a conspiracy of pixies to make it seem to dimwitted sentient life that the bodies of the universe have order. Humans call it gravity, and they put a lot of stock in it. They have so much faith in gravity that they peg it to the hundred thousandths place – but this isn’t actually a testament to the attraction between two masses, only the rigor of winged entities that don’t like talking to humans. Every so often a fairy will tell a human how it all works, and this accounts for about one fifth of the physicists who go insane any given year. The faeries are seldom so malicious, though. They’re doing it to illustrate a point about science – one you can’t understand, because otherwise it wouldn’t be funny.