Sunday, July 24, 2011

Bathroom Monologue: Dear Spiders

You and I are cool. I recognize your place in our shared ecosystem. I recognize all the angular corners of my abode sing to you. Your webs are a delight when I don't accidentally walk into them carrying a tray of breakables. We can live at peace.

But there is a staunch two-strike policy for crawling onto my face. Many would feel it should be one-strike, but hey, you only have eight eyes. Maybe you don't realize you're lowering yourself directly into my eye the first time. The second time, though? Then I am not responsible for any Norton Critical Editions that slam on top of you.

All my best,
That fat mammal you keep landing on


  1. I love this John! Excellent. :o)

  2. *shudders*

    Shades of Garfield dropping a heavy tome on top of a spider. I'm now flashing back to my childhook when I accidently swallowed a spider while playing outside.

    Glad to see that you're a tolerant man and give two strikes...

  3. Thanks for the laugh. :) That's a one strike in my home.

  4. So funny, John, but it still sounds like a nightmare to me! *shudders*

  5. Same as Laura: one strike. Or no strikes, if I see you crawling around where Mason is (or could soon be) playing. Territorial human is territorial.

    And those remote corners? Upon impending arrival of guests, painting, network maintenance, or sheer whim, those webs (and their contents) are subject to sudden relocation to the vacuum cleaner bag at any time.

  6. Screamed with laughter at the signature line. Made the cat twitch.


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