Bathroom Monologue: And They're The Snappiest Dressers

Mine is the model family. My wife hasn't sagged a millimeter in twelve years. I can't remember a time when we weren't at the breakfast table, savoring that same toast. Maggie's always got a joke, one hand in the air for gesticulatory illustration. Our kids are always smiling. Every morning, midday and night, Bart is steadfast over his Math homework. You'd think Maggie's wisecracking would shake him, but he never complains. Nobody in this family complains. Some days it's trying to live with only three walls, and a third made of glass - but privacy's overrated when you've got such a family to show off.