Friday, March 30, 2012

Bathroom Monologue: Almost Clever


Abner shouldered into the door and turned the heavy key in the knob’s lock. Then he threw the deadbolt above, and latched the sliding bolt above it. He kicked the doorstop down for additional resistance, wondering if he had time to install a bar like those old French castles used to have.

When he decided he didn’t have the time, he trudged into the living room and dragged out the heaviest chair he owned, wedging it under the doorknob. Abner surveyed the mess with approval for a few seconds before thinking better, and ran back into the living room and dragged out the chest of drawers, heaving the oak monstrosity up behind the chair just in case.

He leaned against the wall, panting and perspiring into the floral wallpaper. He rested his head against the security panel, fingers hitting the code to turn it on. Even with the syndicate after him, he’d never felt so safe as just then.

That’s when the bomb went off and took down his entire apartment complex. Mercifully, the explosion was so needlessly huge that Abner never had the moment to register that he was unsafe. He died feeling almost clever.

18 comments:

  1. Abner seems the type that would take a knife to a gunfight.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You have to feel sorry for poor Abner. All that trouble and he forgot to check under the sofa.Your story plays like a cartoon farce. I'm thinking Itchy and Scratchy at speed. Wah, wah, waaaah.....

    ReplyDelete
  3. Poor Abner, just when he thought he was safe.. - lets he went out with a bang! ^_^

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh lets should read least - damn this keyboard - it's its fault not mine - truly! ;0

    ReplyDelete
  5. With the title and the attention paid to the front door I felt sure he was going to have left the back door open. Of course, being a flat, there probably wasn't a back door.

    The bomb felt a little cheap, for me, but I guess satisfying me is hardly one of the syndicate's major concerns... ;)

    ReplyDelete
  6. he died feeling almost clever.. great line.. but you have to feel sorry for this idiot..

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh, Abner. At least you gave him peace of mind!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Wonderfully compact tale here — "he died feeling almost clever." Indeed. Not one for planning ahead much, was this Abner. Especially when dealing with people who think nothing of using a cannon to kill a fly. :-P

    ReplyDelete
  9. Superior firepower is always a good thing.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I hope that when I die I feel almost clever!

    Nice one.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Poor guy. Just when he thought he was safe, he goes boom.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Media reports blame the explosion on gas leak. I suspect.

    ReplyDelete
  13. On the bright side, surely he could've felt a lot worse just before his death. On the not so bright side, he's dead.

    ReplyDelete
  14. ah, poor abner. funny in a three stooges kind of way. peace...

    ReplyDelete
  15. Oh well, at least the poor guy won't be worrying about the syndicate being after him any more. :)

    ReplyDelete
  16. He must have REALLY pissed off the syndicate if they took out an entire apartment complex for him.

    Compact with a great last line. Good stuff as usual.

    ReplyDelete
  17. What a great piece in such a small number of words - nice one Wiswell. Poor Abnar, he did seem clever, but being academic doesn't automatically mean you have much common sense - something I often come across

    ReplyDelete

Counter est. March 2, 2008