Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Bathroom Monologue: The Difference Between Alligators and Crocodiles

When the bait came loose, Mrs. Hardin reeled the line back up and jabbed another steak onto the hook. She had an entire bucket of them and wouldn’t share a one, even though I’d smuggled a hibachi in my rucksack.

I looked across the swamp; so far the meat hadn’t attracted more than gnats.

“You sure that’ll fetch an alligator, Mrs. Hardin?” I asked.

She spooned some cow drippings around the side of our raft with all harpoons. “Crocodile, Maya. We’re hunting crocodiles.”

“Well now what’s the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?”

As though to answer, a scaly back rippled through the film of the swamp. It swished a needlessly long tail as it swam toward our raft, which suddenly felt far too small.

“Crocodile tried to eat my husband, Maya.” Mrs. Hardin picked up a harpoon in one hand and a shotgun in the other. She waited at the end of the raft, stirring the bloody waters with double-barrels. “An alligator’s what actually did it.”


  1. Heheheheheheh..... never trust a croc to do a gator's work. Very nice!

    Hey John? Are you missing a word in your second line? Like, maybe cook or grill or share or something?

  2. fun read. here I'm picturing Mrs. Hardin holding a shotgun and getting ready to shot which reminds of that tv show grandmother. I think it was the Hillbillies but not sure.

    hope your day is sweet.

    1. Beverly Hillbillies, it is! I like that connection.

  3. It's the Beverly Hillbillies. I am old enough to remember :)!

  4. Hmmm. This reminds my of my father's saying: A German Shepherd is a Shepherd until it bites you ... and then it is an Alsation. Given the vengeance that Mrs Hardin is attempting to wreak on the crocodile, what does she have in store for the alligator?

  5. I like Cathy's comment! All boats are too small in gator water.
    Nice 'un'clichéd take on the characters, we know they're hillbillies but you didn't mention one missing tooth or camouflaged hat.


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