Sunday, March 11, 2012

Bathroom Monologue: Ethical Rig, OR, Is a man not entitled to the sweat of his brow?

It's a well known fact that a man is entitled to the sweat of his brow. But in societies of advanced capitalism, a man (and many women) engage in enterprises of the multi-brow variety. The farm-owner who creates fifty jobs may not perspire much, yet is he not entitled to the sweat carried out in his operation, on his property, by workers who only perspire because he invented the niche in which they toil? Naturally he does. Yet how is he to collect his share of their mutual salty solution? That is where our product comes into play. Through advance polymer technology, the Ethical Rig has automated dispatachable arm-units that will track every employee in an establishment, and at periods set by the owner, will lower a polymer bin across their foreheads and scrape away a pre-set percentage of perspiration. The busy businessman need only punch in a few numbers and trust that his employees' brows will be divided of their sweat ethically and scientifically. And because the Ethical Rig is neither sentient nor biological itself, it will never sweat and thus will never require rights to the profits of its brow. All it is concerned about is keeping your sweat stockpile at the desired temperature.


  1. You should combine all of your sales pitch flashes into a catalog with glossy photos and how-to diagrams. I would totally buy that.

  2. Or you could just stop by the forehead of a menopausal woman and have all the perspiration you need. And then some.


Counter est. March 2, 2008