Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Bathroom Monologue: Naked Crowds

"Just imagine the crowd naked."

"Who... who... who is comforted by imagining thousands of naked people staring at him? Who? And why would you let those perverts in front of crowds? Why would you think that would comfort me? I’m comforted by going home early on Friday, microwaving some Hot Pockets, and not facing a thousand exposed crotches. And a thousand naked people who I’ve got to explain are about to be laid off. The economy tough – now so tough, no one can afford pants. There is something keenly worse about potential downsizees who are naked. Something might… tense. Ugh. Now it’s worse. Now I’m definitely worse. If I have a stroke, it’s because of this. Let’s just get it over with."


  1. Not all advice is good advice, huh? :)

  2. Just to be clear, "Have a stroke" meant what precisely?

    Very funny.

    1. This may be colloquial, but a "stroke" like a minor heart attack (though still quite awful and dangerous), and to "have a stroke" is to suffer the onset of one.

  3. Hahaha! Yes, not exactly great advice. And how would you ever stop laughing long enough to say what you needed to say?

  4. Maybe it works for some people, but... personally I'd prefer just not to see the crowd lol

  5. Ouch. I would prefer not to have the images in my head that this post placed there.

  6. Yeah some people are much scarier naked!


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