Bathroom Monologue: Reality Offline

Attention all users: reality will be down starting at 6:00 AM  PST. Offline mode has been enabled for users so you may continue your lifelong existence, but the system will not update for the duration of downtime. Do not be alarmed if nanoscopic particles briefly exhibit constant and/or predictable behavior, or if general relativity and quantum mechanics temporarily seem reconcilable. Some users make experience partial blackouts or entire cessation of consciousness. In such cases, do not panic. You’ll be mentally incapable of it.