Thursday, January 10, 2013

Bathroom Monologue: Gifts of Spartans and Concubines



So it's Jupiter and Juno's wedding day, and various presents arrive. There are garters of stars, armor that repels war itself, and a mysterious box from Pandora, which neither of them finds funny.

Two gifts are the most curious. At 10:00, three hundred of the grisliest Spartans ever seen march to the altar of Parnassus. Each is clad in full regalias, tower shields and immaculate spears.

At 10:01, three hundred of the most beautiful concubines seen under the sun march to those same altars. They perspire ambrosia and have such golden hair that mines close in despair at having been rendered obsolete.

Jupiter asks of his bride, "What's up with those people?"

Juno rolls her eyes. "The men are from Mars. The women are from Venus."

The two gods were banned from the wedding. The Spartans and concubines were kept around.

12 comments:

  1. That pun got a hearty, full-lung chuckle out of me. Excellent.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Honestly didn't know what you were lining up for there, deserved the grin.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's the thrill of the chase. Thanks, Bev.

      Delete
  3. Love the pun, John! As you say in an earlier comment, puns really do make the language better. And much more fun!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Booooo! LOL Boooooo! Seriously that's the best riff on the title I've ever seen.

    ReplyDelete
  5. When I got to "garters of stars", I knew something wicked this way comes...

    ReplyDelete
  6. Was "Spartans ever scene" on purpose?

    I get the feeling Mars and Venus sent the gifts knowing perfectly well what would happen. And yeah, the pun was worth it :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nope, that was a poor typo. Kind of funny one, though. Thanks for catching it!

      Delete
  7. How rude. To exclude Mars and Venus while accepting their gifts is the height of bad manners. And the consequences are likely to be dire.

    ReplyDelete

Counter est. March 2, 2008