Saturday, May 18, 2013

Bathroom Monologue: Regarding Submissions

Dear Expurgated Press,

I am finding your detailed submissions guidelines very helpful. Your "What We Don't Want" section lasting a screen and a half showed your devotion to craft, and I am picking up from other sections all the time.

For instance, had I not scrutinized the eighteen bullet points on "What Your Format Must Be," I would have had my submission immediately rejected for not applying the mandatory 0.6" margins. I have printed the guidelines page (it actually comes to five pages in your formatting choice) to carry with me at all times, to refer to as an e-zine bible. I am still working through your "Common Mistakes" opus.

Yet as meticulous as your Submissions Page is, and though I cannot admit to having read all five printed pages of your guidelines yet, I cannot help feeling something is missing.

Where is the "Payment" section?

Yours in adoration,
John Wiswell


  1. BUSTED! Or, as the kids say, "PWN3D!!!1!!"

  2. LOL I think I'd like to know where the payment section is too. ;)

  3. LOL it can be a bit like that at times! ^_^

  4. Ahaha! This is not encouraging at all.... :(

  5. Yes, this entry is amazeballs. or is that expression out of fashion yet?
    very funny@!!!

    xox jean

  6. Hey, John! This is hilarious!! Way to rock the funny bone!

    BTW: Thanks for stopping by and commenting on my post when I was a guest on MuseItUp's blog on Friday. I really appreciate it - it's great to meet you! Incidentally, kudos to your sister for being able to sculpt food ascetically. What a gift!

    Glad you liked the black-and-white image I used on my post. I couldn't stop laughing the first time I saw it, and it still makes me laugh every time I see it now!

    Take care, and thanks again!

  7. Well said, John! There should be compensation just for wading through their publishing tape!


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