Monday, June 3, 2013

Bathroom Monologue: The Congressman Sleeps in a Coffin



Takes limeade and half a bagel in there every morning, and doesn't rise from the grave until 8:00. Until then he e-mailing, blackberrying and other verbs you don't associate with coffins. I've even seen him doing sit-ups.

It's the only coffin in the capitol with a chamber pot. He sleeps there every night, and it's probably killed his sex life. Now I always assumed it was a penance thing, wanting to rest in the same accommodations as his son, yet when the honorable Horace Tetley of Nebraska asked him about that, well, you'll have to excuse the expressions, but our man turned downright grim.

It seems it's not as simple as losing a son overseas. It's that he wants to know exactly what he's advocating against. The publicity stunt leaves most of his staff uncomfortable, but his colleagues find it very difficult to argue in favor of another foreign war to a man who can ask if they know what's like to spend a night in a coffin.

9 comments:

  1. Hmm. I suspect that I would be happy if our politicians knew a little more about the subjects they pontificate about. This might be a tad extreme though. Does the experience change the longer he sleeps in his coffin?

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  2. Now that's going all out for a cause.

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  3. My claustrophobia button just went into overdrive.

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  4. I think it is several shades of awesome you posted this the day after announcing you won the Sunshine Award.

    I also think most UN countries would contribute to buying an entire graveyard's worth of coffins, for all of the US Congress, if it would have this effect on them.

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  5. Haha. Sounds like something you would do just to see the reaction :)

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  6. Interesting little piece. I have expected you to say he was actually a vampire. lol

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  7. A coffin with wi-fi access big enough to do sit-ups in? Why haven't I seen this advertised yet?

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  8. Sleeping in a coffin is bad enough, but sleeping in one with a chamber pot must be downright stifling.

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