1. Mine inspires the movie. Yours won’t shut up during it.
2. Mine falls on the floor in the mall and flops open. Yours falls on the floor in the mall and screams so loud security runs in.
3. People are more favorable about my Used market.
4. If mine breaks someone’s heart, it’s amazing. If yours break someone’s heart, he/she’s a douche bag.
5. I don’t send holiday cards with photos of my hideous rough draft.
6. They can both get banned from the library for bad words, but only yours gets banned for defecating in the Science section.
7. I can make sure mine turns out well.