Friday, August 30, 2013

Bathroom Monologue: Rorschark Attack

A Washington D.C. Rationalist Think Tank was on holiday at the undisclosed beach that day. Three employees saw it break the surface. Tammy saw a deck of playing cards. Guido saw a platter of fried shrimp. Ironically only one of the rationalists, Virginia Welsley, saw a shark fin. Even more ironically, she was the only rationalist in the water.

She swam like Hell. Tammy would attest that the shark went straight after Virginia, while Guido swears it swam in the opposite direction. Other beach-goers looked when they heard the screams, but the majority said they didn’t see a shark at all (while three saw an ice cream truck treading water behind Virginia).

When Virginia looked over her shoulder mid-breaststroke, she saw the gaping jaws of her third grade Math teacher – the one who always put impossible bonus questions at the end of his quizzes, presumably just to watch his pupils struggle and fail. That pungent memory felt apt as she swam for her life, and even more apt when she was seized in the middle-aged Math teacher’s overbite.

She was fortunate enough to awake, alive, in the local ICU. Apparently the shark had nearly ripped her in half. After much fighting with her doctors she was allowed to see the damage the shark had done to her torso. When the medical technician removed the bandages so that she could see the marks he instantly stepped back and crossed himself.

“It’s the Blessed Mother!” he exclaimed, looking at the bizarre shape of her bite wounds. She frowned at him and looked down.

“No it isn’t.” she said disdainfully. Then she squinted at the sutures. “Is… is that a Ferris wheel?”


  1. How right you were. This is very special indeed. Megathanks. (Though I found myself surprised that bite wound wasn't rather a lot of red Xs, followed by a giant F.)

  2. I had to go back and read the title again. Good one.

  3. No! It's two elves having a tug of war! Wait, wait, it's a dog licking its... ear?

    For the sequel, I guess a sushi bar owner speared it and served it up as Raw Shark. :-P

    Good chuckle for a Friday morning, John. *thumbs up*

  4. LOL Funny John. Thanks. I needed a laugh today.

  5. Ha! This is great, John. The rorschark strikes me as a formidable foe for D&D adventurers who dare to brave the Plane of Chaos.

  6. Funny stuff like and well written as always. Loved the ending.

  7. Good stuff, as always. Especially the 3rd grade teacher with the overbite. :)

  8. I love the pun in the title. Very imaginative and fun.

  9. I'll never look at a simile the same way again.

    I love the idea of a bunch of rationalists arguing over what exactly happened.


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