Friday, April 25, 2014

What Victims Watch - #fridayflash

Every week, everyone who’s ever died in a Horror movie gathers at The Killer’s house. The Killer is never home, though they do often see his shadow in the hall by the bathroom, or his silhouette against the refrigerator, and if any of them take a shower, they’ll feel his presence on the other side of the curtain. Everyone who’s ever died in a Horror movie has grown used to this. Nowadays, they giggle at it.

They come for the relief from their work weeks. Drunken jocks sit in open windows, for all the sofas are piled with nubile teen girls who are showing neck wounds and too much cleavage. Nerds pass bongs and bags of Fritos, though they try to keep the coughing and crinkling down so everyone can hear the show.

They watch you pre-ordering a television instead of buying health insurance. They watch couples spend everything on houses in flood zones they haven’t researched enough to know even get rain. They watch countries vote on politicians who support women’s rights and healthcare, and ignore those same politicians will eradicate forests and drone-bomb foreign innocents.

They watch you forget to thank your mother for that trivial thing she did, that thing you’ll always remember after her car accident tomorrow. They watch, and they laugh their heads off. Even the characters who didn’t die from decapitation laugh their heads off at you.

The show is so funny that everyone who’s ever died in a Horror movie always packs the house. They don’t care that they don’t get cell service, and no one tells their parents where they’re going for the weekend. They come with little gas, in used clunkers that rattle and practically fall apart before they groan into their parking places. If their clunkers are overheating, the victims prop open the hoods while joking about how stupid real people are to spend so much time arguing on the internet.

They need the release. They work hard, they play hard, and they die unfairly; you’d need ridiculous context to avoid how most of them were hacked to oblivion. Much more context, they figure, than all the real people they watch getting hooked on drugs or forgetting to pay the rent.

Everyone who’s ever died in a Horror movie needs the real world to take their minds off of fiction.

17 comments:

  1. And now I am wondering what could take my mind of the horror movie that is the real world...
    I am endlessly fascinated at the directions your mind takes me. Thank you.

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  2. I think the real world can sometimes be the horror movie ^_^

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  3. Heheh! This reminds me a little of the comical cinema scene from the movie "An American werewolf in London." :)

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  4. being a teenage babysitter has to have the highest death rate in the film industry. All those horror films seem to be saying if you have pre-marital sex you will be punished lethally for it. Nicely spoofed here

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  5. Every story you give us makes me say "wow" John, but this one is a big "WOW!"

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  6. I laugh at the world, too, but I keep my head firmly attached.

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  7. Reality is worse, because there's no way out even for the heroes.

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  8. That was... powerful. I like how seamlessly you become the Killer. Something about the style reminds me of "Magic for Beginners."

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  9. That last line is brilliant. Love it.

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  10. The last line is perfect. And this is one house I'm avoiding.

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  11. Can't tell the fiction from the non-fiction without the labels...

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  12. Dying in a horror movie is better than dying to yourself and wasting away. I guess watching others die make one's life seem less trivial.

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  13. There were so many things to like in this, John. I really loved the line "that thing you’ll always remember after her car accident tomorrow." Of course, the laughing their heads off bit got a chuckle out me. And then ...

    Well, nicely written, John. :)

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  14. Yep, someone definitely has to laugh at stupidity, and it might as well be them!

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  15. That was creepy and really hits pretty hard and was humorous at the same time. Good one, John.

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