Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Bathroom Monologue: Lucky Stripes

There are five universes, for the five times God hit His lighter while trying to ignite a cigarette. The first four universes are sparks; we are the fourth and final failed try on the lighter. The fifth and successfully smoked universe is very nice, but real estate prices are unreasonable. The further you go back on the lit universes, the less God is paying attention. The Golden Rule here in the fourth universe is, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Very nice. In the fifth and successfully smoked universe, there isn't even a golden rule - everyone just gets it. In the third attempt at the lighter, we see the Golden Rule is, "Stop doing that!” With the second universe's being, "Leave me alone, I'm writing," and first's being, "It'll never heal if you don't stop picking." Philosophers hypothesize that there may be a 0th universe from the hypothetical thought God experienced when He first reached for His lighter. There the Golden Rule is, "Why did I marry Her in the first place?"

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