Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Bathroom Monologue: Excerpts from Prometheus' Help Column

-"If your wife doesn't mind you hanging out late with your friends, you've picked the wrong friends."
-"Point scientific developments away from the hands and face."
-"If you want good advice, don't ask the guy whose life decisions had him pinned down and pecked at by birds for eternity."
-"Leaders should be chosen on an alcoholic scale. At the apex of the scale is whether you'd like to have a drink with him. At the bottom of the scale is your desire to drink at his funeral. Aim for the middle, straying a little towards the side where he's paying the tab."
-"When is Hercules getting here?"
-"Life is a trilogy... long, drawn out, and the worst part seeming to be whichever third of it you're reading. Also, Gandalf doesn't really die. He, representing your insecurities since he rides the fastest horse, comes back in the middle and is with you to the end. Bet you've never thought of your self-esteem as a Balrog before."
-"The movie is never like the book because if the author had any sense, he'd be a director."
-"If you're going to defy the gods, learn lock picking first."
-"A light saber is neither a saber, nor is it made out of light. Discuss amongst yourselves."

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