Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Bathroom Monologue: Blurbs for “Night of the Cobra”

“Never has a ten-storey python been so sympathetic.” –Scott Smith, author of The Ruins

“What every literary novel has tried to be since Godzilla.” –Publisher’s Weekly

“Big monster, small plot, medium thrills.” –New York Times Book Review

“The next great American family tragicomedy.” –The Economist

“You will walk away from this book forever asking yourself, ‘What is my Empire State Building?’” -Atlantic Monthly

“I wasn’t sure if the giant python would kill himself before I did. Mind-numbing.” –Onion A.V. Club

“A ballet of logic… a sleight of hand of language.” -Ruth Scurr, former Man Booker Prize judge

“At least it’s short.” –National Review

“That titanic python’s struggle to become a cobra will be the Ugly Duckling story for our millennia. Just watch.” –Mark Y.,

“If nothing else, read it for the fight with the cruise liner.” –Pat Robertson, 700 Club

“You see things as they are and ask, ‘Why?’ I dream things as they never were and ask, ‘Why are they not like Night of the Cobra?’” -George Bernard Shaw, via séance

(Cop-out: Only one of the above quotes is real, though the book each quote describes remains equally fanciful.)

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