Bathroom Monologue: The Fry Cook Votes Independent

"I'm liberal in who can prepare the burger - I don't care about the religion, sexuality or race of the cook. Yet I'm conservative in how they prepare it - I want it medium-well, and keep your lettuce, tomato and secret sauce to yourself. Despite my stringent demand for medium-well hamburgers, I will not enforce my kitchen values on others. Once it's at the table, I'm liberal in the amount of ketchup I put on it. Fiscally, I'm flexible on the amount of fries on the side, crossing the aisle to shake hands with conservatives on their judgment that a fist full is enough, but like a proper liberal, I smile on a post-meal surplus. They're nice to munch on during dessert conversations, like ones about oversimplified politics, where they're all this way, we're all that way, and if I don't keep my mouth stuffed I'll end up in a fight."