Monday, June 1, 2009

Bathroom Monologue: Eniglet

One begins as a small confusion in the womb of a hog. The double helix forms a question mark, and a deity is involved, as they usually are in miraculous conceptions. It’s said that the droppings of an eniglet can be read to accurately determine the will of the Fates.

Or horoscopes. Something like that.

You can’t fault the owner of an eniglet for trying to profit on its feces when you consider how expensive it is to maintain one. They won’t eat garbage or standard chow. Just what they’ll want on a given day is unpredictable; maybe a brick wall, maybe some 1982 text books, or maybe the shell casings for your shotgun (but not the gun nor the explosive contents of the shells – and they will crap them out if they don’t want them). An eniglet can eat through anything, so there’s no sense in penning them unless you’re sure you can keep them content. The only thing eniglets really like to do is chew, and the only thing they will eat with any regularity are the bones of detectives. Why is a mystery.

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