Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Bathroom Monologue: Holy Grounds and Coffee

Chandler sat down on the front pew with the rookies, taking Kerick’s knife and beginning another stake. In the light of all the candles and church glass, his Santa white beard looked stained orange.

“It’s not that vampires can’t walk on holy ground,” he said, purposefully stroking the knife in Kerick’s direction. The shaving fell into the rookie’s lap. “It’s that they know I’m waiting there for them. It all began here, in this parish, on that there altar. One of those disrespectful neck-biters tried to drink my minister. He was a fine orator, and damaging those pipes was unforgivable. I nailed them to the ground and made them see sun-up through these windows.”

He gestured with the knife to the stained glass scenes. Christ carrying his cross, Mary mourning, and the Devil laughing.

“Good way to start a legend. You kill enough of them around holy ground and eventually they think they physically can’t enter. Really, it’s that they’re sissies.”


  1. An Urban Legend passed amongst vampires? Funny stuff.

  2. Fire and brimstone be damned - no salvation for the sissies. most entertaining. more in this series please.

  3. Now there's a twist! The title - spectacular!

    I left you a little token of my admiration for your writing and your blog... Peace, Linda

  4. I just finished reading Cirque Du Freak in one sitting. Tonight, I'd believe anything about vampires.

    Cool story, John.

  5. Was sick in bed all day and night. Just got to the computer to find my inbox full of comments and so many on this one piece. I had no idea it'd be so popular. Thank you all for your kind words! Mr. Solender, maybe I should write more on this. There might be another monologue in it about the werewolves' take.

    Laurita, why wouldn't urban legends have their own urban legends?

    Linda, I'm curious for the token. I'll keep my eye out. I appreciated the shout out on your blog, and may the Kreativ be the first of many awards.


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