Thursday, September 10, 2009

Bathroom Monologue: Possible Origins For Him. 1.

There is an audio edition of this story. To listen either click the triangle on the left to begin streaming audio, or click this text to download the MP3.

I wasn’t bombarded by cosmic rays. My parents weren’t shot and a clown didn’t fly through my window as I was calculating revenge. I like clowns, though. They aren’t scary or menacing. You make them that way, when all they want to do is make you smile. They don’t care if you’re a Muslim or emo or President of these United States. You could have the codes to all the nuclear weapons in the world, and all a clown wants to do is make you chuckle. That’s why he scares you – he’s unhinged from your forced habits. I like that.

I wasn’t a clown. I was a pharmacist. Used sugar and food coloring to put smiley faces on lollipops for kids who didn’t want to take their medicine. That’s my story. Day after day. Lollipop after lollipop. The child comes in crying and leaves happy, sucking on grape or lime. Mom comes in frowning, fakes a smile for the pharmacist, puts up with his antics, then, when she’s paid and thinks she’s out of eyeshot, goes back to frowning. Mom’s smile isn’t real, kids, no matter how much sugar and food coloring you put on it. You’ve got to follow her into the parking lot, climb into the back seat, catch her by the scalp and dig in there with a straight razor if you want to give her a smile that won’t go away. That’s my story.

But that’s also small scale. Eventually a clown’s got to play to bigger audiences. You’ve got to put money away. 401K – not for retirement, but terrorism. A pharmacist can make a lot, especially when he does his shifts alone and tampers with the billing. And he has access to so many handy chemicals – wholesale!

Adults will pay anything for their drugs. It helps them fake things. I handed them their Rx lies, and rang up the bill. That’s what I’m serving everybody now. Grape, lime, and the bill. This isn’t a trench coat – it’s a lab coat dyed purple! I want to see you laugh, Gotham. I want to see your smile. Not the one you put on when you walk by security guards and bar tenders. You just insist on turning back into pumpkins at midnight when your fairytale fix of alcohol wears off. And if you’re going to insist turning back into pumpkins, then I’m going to carve you like a Jack O’Lantern. I’ll find that smile in there somewhere. That’s my story.

23 comments:

  1. That audio recording is... amazing. In the truest sense of the word.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ouch. :-) Not afraid of calling out the truth for a tiff are we?
    Very, very nice. Sort of John Wayne Gacy meets Dr. Phil. Thanks for posting!

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is seriously impressive. Beautiful and psychotic. I also love that you did the audio recording. It's haunting. Brilliantly done.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you both for your comments! I don't consider his perspective the whole truth, no more than any first person monologue on this site has the whole truth. Rather I like to set these voices go, and he sure went.

    ReplyDelete
  5. john, this is such a brilliant piece. clowns are so metaphoric and you really cut to some issues faking smiles etc. very very biting commentary. a technique that you display effortlessly..

    ReplyDelete
  6. I love this. It totally fell together at the end. Nice and twisted :-)

    I have to go back and listen to the audio now.

    I hope to see you again... next Friday
    ~2

    ReplyDelete
  7. Much with the liking! Now I need to go watch Dark Knight again. Thanks for the insanity!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Tomara, you can actually catch me every day. I've updated with at least one new piece a day for about two years. The anniversary is coming up soon.

    Glad this one went over so well. It was a blast to record!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Very well done. The audio is simply amazing, and yes, that's a good thing.
    ~jon

    ReplyDelete
  10. Just superb. The origin is plausible and chilling and the recording is incredible. Great idea to offer audio and a superb performance of the piece.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oooh love it. I will never look at pharmacists or clowns in quite the same way. Which is cool, you've created a new perspective for me. Great!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Wow, excellent job with the audio version. Overall, a very well done piece that comes across perfectly for an origin story.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hey, John. You should narrate for Pseudopod, this is excellent!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Absolutely brilliant. I'm speechless.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I agree with everyone else. Excellent voice. You should be narrating.

    The Joker monologue is great!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Really awesome. The story alone is fantastic and the audio is amazing. People are so much scarier than monsters.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Ok, that audio was creeeeepy. WOW. I liked hearing the voice after I had read the piece. It added so much more. Great job!

    ReplyDelete
  18. But can you really trust a clown to tell you the truth? I don't know... But this is probably close.

    Great story, John. And welcome to #tuesdayserial. Finally! :)

    ReplyDelete
  19. Very creepy. I like it a lot.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I've come to start at the beginning, and this is a creepy headspace to be be inhabiting. Great tone.
    Adam B @revhappiness

    ReplyDelete
  21. Word gets around and that word says read/listen to Possible of Origins from the beginning. So here I am.

    ReplyDelete

Counter est. March 2, 2008