God reclined in His cosmic tub. The bubble bath was so high that one couldn’t tell where the bubbles ended and His beard began (secretly, they didn’t end and begin – but to know more about that would spoil the surprise). The room was two-dimensional and beige as He was feeling, respectively, frugal and beige today.
One hand stirred the water from beneath the layer of suds, while the other held up His new Kindle. It wasn’t a real Kindle, but it was a good knock-off suited to extradimensional leisure reading. It had to be pretty big and sturdy to function outside the M-branes. How big? So big that something as small as a planet might look up and mistake it for a universe.
His thumb scrolled down the list of book reviews, switching back and forth between Romances and Science. Being omniscient, nothing really caught His eye, but He liked to pretend they did.
“Ooo,” He cooed, vibrating all the strings of the omniverse for a voice. He leaned up a little, reading one product description.
“ Kaku skillfully guides us through the latest innovations in string theory and its latest iteration, M-theory, which posits that our universe may be just one in an endless multiverse, a singular bubble floating in a sea of infinite bubble universes. If M-theory is proven correct, we may perhaps finally find an answer to the question, "What happened before the big bang?" ”
He knew how this one ended already, but it was amusing. He propped one ankle on the opposing knee and greased two of his fingers on a beige bar of soap. His toes splayed. He rubbed the fingers briskly between the toes until rainbow bubbles poured down from between them and hummed to a few bubbles in particular.
“You’re getting warm, little guys. Keep it up. I’m rooting for you!”
I now have a picture of God in a bubble bath in a beige bathroom stuck in my head...I may never be the same again!
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