Monday, May 31, 2010

Bathroom Monologue: Necessity, the Harlot

Necessity is the mother of Invention. Invention has many fathers because Necessity is a harlot, and one who often gives birth too late. I once saw her in a fine coffee shop. She was at the table of this German general. She’d excuse herself to the ladies room, then trot across and sit at the French general’s table. Seems they both had the necessity for killing each other and so desperately wanted to father her child they never looked up to see she was cheating on them. Like with the war, Necessity flirted out and left both generals with the bill for her cappuccino. That’s how she is. Necessity has no vested interest beyond fucking you. If an invention pops out of her, she doesn’t care. She necessitated the invention of epidural anesthesia years ago and hasn’t felt a thing since. It’s you who feels it. In the coffee shop case the Invention she squeezed out was a gun that shot a little faster. It had a mixed French and German accent.


  1. John, I don't know how you do it but everyday you bring a smile to my face and warrant an early morning belly laugh,

  2. Thank you, Cody. That means a lot.

  3. Ha, too funny. Thanks for the giggle. :)

  4. Another wee cracker - I thoroughly enjoyed that!

  5. I wouldn't say funny...I get it.

    I think there is definite truth here--but then again, this is the first 'bathroom monologue' I have read. Maybe I'm supposed to stick my tongue in my cheek first? Too much truth to be funny.

    At first blush, I thought, "Bullshit." Then I really saw you personify Necessity.

    Well done.

    Southern City Mysteries

  6. Michele, welcome to the blog. A lot of my fiction blends humor with possible opinions. I don't see humor and truth as mutually exclusive, though I do get annoyed by humorists who spend all their time using jokes to convey their points. I hope I didn't do that here and ruin the entertainment value of the Necessity anecdote for you. Regardless, thanks for reading.

    And thanks to you, Gracie and Adventurer, for reading. Always happy to provide a laugh.

  7. Jphn... Leave it to you to play with words like no one else I know... You put a great spin on them. You should collect a bunch of these if you haven't already.

  8. My first time here (Michele sent me) and I find you 'seriously' funny.
    Will follow and come back later to read Older Posts.

    Giggles and Guns

  9. Anthony, I'd love to do a book of these, to go next to cash registers in book stores. But I don't have the connections. Do you think an ebook of them would fare well?

    Maribeth, I love your icon. Thank you for stopping by - glad to entertain, and interested in your thoughts on the older posts. I've got quite an archive going. Enjoy!

  10. Michele sent me here, and I am glad I took her advice and came.
    I should have been snorting in laughter, but actually, I was nodding along saying, "so true".
    Epidural of invention - this does require a snort :-)


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