Thursday, October 14, 2010

Bathroom Monologue: They Shook Hands

They sat at the childrens table, bright yellow plastic, insultingly fake yet functional enough to eat tuna sandwiches upon. William had grape juice with his, while Annette had Mango Burst. This lunch was about proving things: that the electric can opener removed the need for wrist strength, and that the two of them could navigate to the top shelves of the refrigerator without an adult.

Annette proposed: “I clean the rooms and you do the laundry?”

They shook hands.

William proposed: "I do the paperwork and you answer the phone?"

They shook hands.

Annette proposed: "I do the cooking and you do the dishes?"

William filibustered: "I hate dishes."

Annette countered: "I hate that you burn everything."

"Hmm,” William deliberated. “So do I. Fine. Deal."

They shook hands.

Annette queried the floor: “Can you mow the lawn?”

William declared for the record: “Probably in a year if I get that growth spurt Mom was always promising. We can pay somebody to do it until then, though.”

Annette finished her orange juice and rubbed her sleeve over her lips. “Is that everything?”

“Yeah, I think we can get rid of them.”

Annette rose. As was his duty now, William gathered their dishes.

Annette proposed: “You get rid of Mom and I do Dad?”

They shook hands.


  1. Cute kid talk and action throughout this, but you sure did a great job of sneaking in that sinister ending.

  2. Lacking context, the kids sounded grown up to me, so I didn't see that ending coming. Great twist!

  3. I might suggest you change the first sentence -- "their children's table" suggested to be that they were a couple and the table belonged to their children! Other than that, though, I love this.

  4. They had it all worked out in a diplomatic and civilized negotiation...has me looking over my shoulder, wondering what the boy is up to...

  5. Really enjoyed this, it made me laugh. Possibly nervous laughter, given the ending!

  6. That was fun. In my head the little girl looks just like Wednesday from the Addams family.

    And since they didn't work out who'd clean up the blood...I hope they do the deed out of doors.


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