Saturday, May 21, 2011

Bathroom Monologue: Rapture Plan

"You can't be serious."

Saying it didn’t stop his roommate from tying the rope around his waist. Oliver threaded it through his belt-loops and double-knotted it over his fly. He shook the knot at Tom like a phallus of wisdom.

"You never know when the world will end. This is just as good a theory as any."

"No, it's not. Some radio guy in the middle of nowhere is not as good an authority as all the world's physicists."  Tom folded his arms. "And if God did yank you to Heaven, do you really think a rope is going to stop Him?"

Oliver laughed, tossing the loose end of the rope at Tom. It deflected off his shin.

"It's not supposed to stop God. If I get called up, you and anybody else nearby grabs onto the rope. I figure Jesus can't disagree with saving people."


  1. ha! as if a rope will save us all. my kiddos are berserk right now with the end of the world. they keep asking for money. I say, have some chocolate -- a twenty won't help you if it's true! peace...

  2. Phallus of wisdom... beautiful.
    So far no rapture. Or perhaps my whole family has been *dun dun dunnnn!* left behind.

  3. I actually laughed out loud at that. Love it! And I promise to throw you a rope. #RaptureReadyFace

  4. It's always good to have a plan. And one that thinks of others is certainly admirable. :)

    "phallus of wisdom" - that had me laughing

  5. All I can think of is a sound bite from another monologue...

    God: "Oh, no; we'll have none of that shit today!"

  6. This is the most adorable plan ever.

  7. Damn, no one near me had a rope. Guess I've been left behind :-/

  8. The reasoning is good! LOL

    Hey, throw that rope this side now. Pretty please? ;D

  9. Haha ha laughed out loud at this - It's Sunday in Oz now, so I haven't been raptured I guess I don't need that rope!

    Helen -

  10. Sounds as sane as any other plans i've heard lately. Very cute, John :-)

  11. Hope you remembered to turn off those ceiling fans, Indiana

  12. Har, Jodi's comment cracked me up.

    Knowing my luck, the rope would be just out of my reach. Or it would break. Over the Atlantic.


Counter est. March 2, 2008