Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Bathroom Monologue: Own'd by the Devil

Haley spun the left thumbstick. He couldn’t see the gamertag LUCEY666 anywhere in the game map. He turn Marcus Phoenix around and bullrushed for cover, planning to hide behind its safety until the sucker came out.

But behind that same wreckage-turned-cover on his TV screen, Haley saw the needlessly broad shoulders of the enemy. LUCEY666 popped up, hopped over the barricade and sank his chainsaw into Haley’s hero. The screen went grizzly.

“What the fuck?” Haley yelled into his headset. “How’d you do that? That was bullshit!”

“Fourth time today, HALEYCOMET. I don’t think you can call bullshit anymore. You got owned.”

“Owned?” he repeated in disbelief. Not disbelief in the Devil – he’d been playing Best-of-Seven with her all morning. It was disbelief that the infernal would talk like that.

Then it was disbelief that he’d made that bet. Wishful disbelief, the last disbelief he ever experienced. He felt his soul tug into the earphone of his headset, and something crawling into his body. His own lips moved, allowing someone else’s voice out.

“Well, possession is nine tenths of the law.”


  1. I LOLed at the title before I even read the story. The last line was just as good. No more online gaming for me.

  2. Yeah Laurita, once I realized the pun connection of that final line, I had to write the whole thing to excuse it. Some things are just too atrocious to leave alone.

  3. Indeed they are, John! Good laugh to start a Virtual Monday. (And I'm glad I've never gotten much into online gaming.)

  4. Sneaky pun, sir. Beautiful last line.

  5. Love the last line! And if I were ever to get into online gaming this would make me think twice about playing with anyone with a "666" or other demonic notation in their name.

  6. The line was perfection. #laughngdevilface

  7. As someone who has shouted "no way!" at the XBox more than a few times, I loved the concept here. And that last line was awesome!

  8. Ha! Pretty clever.

    (I think turn should be turned in the third sentence)


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