Monday, December 28, 2009

Bathroom Monologue: Fake Craigslist Ad for an Atheologian

EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITY
AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY EMPLOYER

Corporation is seeking atheologians to work in various international locations including Fiji, India and Sub-Saharan Africa. Polylinguistics are a plus, but interpreters will be provided. Corporation is not interested in amateurs or speculators; we don’t need agnosticators. We need talented people who are sure they know what God did and didn’t do.

Offering:
-Transportation and assisted movement of belongings to the site.
-Single Apartment (spacious).
-$75,000 per annum on three-year contracts.
-$250,000 life insurance policy.*

Position Requirements Include:
-People skills.
-College Semiotics and/or Symbolism degree,
or five years of field experience in these fields.
-At least ten years experience in saying what God doesn’t do.

Responsibilities Include:
-Making sure we don’t anger the Almighty
and bring down His wrath on our time-sensitive, expensive projects.
-Reporting twice daily to project managers on their potential blasphemies.
-Being sacrificed to appease the deity/deities
if you fail to warn your project managers in advance.

*Being willingly sacrificed may violate life insurance policy.

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