Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Bathroom Monologue: Seeking Virgin

SEEKING VIRGIN

Seeking virgin post-pubescent girl to bear the spawn of our god.

We are NOT a kidnappy, rapey cult. Only seek a consenting girl.

Pay is negotiable, comparable to other surrogate mother services.

Room and board provided for duration of pregnancy.

Request to smear girl with ash and thyme once a week. NOTHING WITH PEANUTS OR FROM FACTORIES THAT PROCESS PEANUTS.

Broad hips a plus.

Mediterranean ancestry a plus.

WANT TO SAVE THE WORLD?

KNOW A VIRGIN?

CALL XXX-XXXX

9 comments:

  1. put this on craigslist, i bet you get responses.


    AHAHAHA!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think they might have some trouble finding that girl. This would make a hilarious addition to craigslist.

    ReplyDelete
  3. haha!! we're not a rapey cult

    ReplyDelete
  4. The allergy warning gives this depth. There has got be other stories behind that. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I loved this! Nothing from peanuts is a great touch. :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I watched "Rosemary's Baby" on Netflix today. Spooky coincidence.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Highly amusing nugget, John-o.
    Does the mom still get to name the baby?
    All hail, Trucker Upton Barack! !

    ReplyDelete
  8. Love Rosemary's Baby. One of my favorite movies. If only they would have given Rosemary the option like your story!

    ReplyDelete

Counter est. March 2, 2008