Sunday, May 29, 2011

Bathroom Monologue: Why We Need a Pool

“And a pool. A pool is the only place you’re safe from sharks. The ocean? Sharks live there. The sea? Sharks live there. The lake? Don’t delude yourself. In nineteen-sixteen a great white shark swam up a lake in New Jersey and bit off a child’s legs. You can’t just go swimming anywhere. Only a closed, heated, chlorinated pool is safe from sharks. I guess a bath tub is, but you can’t swim in that. You might say we’re safe from sharks on land, but what if they develop mechanical legs? Then the highways would be unsafe. Even your bathtub, in your bathroom, would be accessible to a killer techno-shark. Only the pool would protect us, because the mechanical legs would malfunction in the water, so the sharks wouldn’t go in there. You’ve got to get us a pool, Dad, or you’re essentially killing us all.”

10 comments:

  1. Dear lord, that sounds my like child. #sharkgrin

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  2. I'm fairly certain a few kids have made this argument. How many successfully, though?

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  3. Ha ha! You've captured that part of childhood so well. That building a case for why something we want is actually something we need.

    You have a great point, though. The pool water would be a deterrent for techno-sharks. :)

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  4. The last line gives it all credability. I think I remember having arguments like that as a child. Made me smile.

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  5. It's like you met my sons! (I almost said tape recorded them, then thought--who has a tape recorder these days? Course, I have no clue what a recording device today is called...er, sorry for loading up your comments with my babbling.)

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  6. That's why I have a pool! That, and bloodsuckers.

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  7. Best argument I've ever heard for getting a pool. :)

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